Saturday 18th Feb saw the first of Talking Tales of 2017, this time with a bad erotica theme!
Talking Tales is a storytelling night run by Stokes Croft Writers, held bi-monthly at Leftbank in Bristol. Normally we don’t have a theme but somehow I managed to talk the group into letting me take over with ‘bad erotica’ as a sort of anti-Valentine’s special.
So what is bad erotica? I was open to anything (wahey), from just a little sauciness and innuendo, to fan fiction, to badly written attempts at filth. I run a bad erotica podcast called Fully Activated. It's about as sexy as a lardy sizzling sausage, so not sexy at all basically. I like to think of it as satirical erotica with a feminist twist.
We kicked off Talking Tales with a story of mine called Colin Grinder Groaned, an ‘erotic’ (ie not erotic) novella which will feature on the next series of Fully Activated. I read the first chapter, which was called ‘The Cleaner’. Colin Grinder always makes sure his staff and customers are happy (very, very happy) and this includes the wonderful Regina Hymen, who is particularly good at polishing knobs... door knobs (wahey, again)
I attempted to wear some very silly shoes which I joked I’d keep on for 5 minutes, but then did actually take them off after about 4 minutes. I have no idea why anyone would choose to wear such ridiculous things on their feet. Fuck long legs, I want to stay short and be comfortable.
Then we had a break to go for some much needed weeing/wanking/drinking. Ellen and I scared off a group of rowdy stag do golfers by staring at them until they downed their drinks.
Thomas David Parker acted as unofficial door security in the second half, stopping noisy groups from coming in, all whilst wearing a t-shirt full of multi-coloured dicks, which I made myself (I am available for commissions!)
In-between the stories I read some mini delights I’d found whilst trawling the internet for erotica generators (my favourite form of procrastination). My personal favourite featured me, Christie, and her lifelong love Phillip Schofield. More at the bottom of this page.
We heard some great finish the lines, we drank wine, giggled a lot, we gave out badges… and then I’m sure everyone in the audience probably went home for a very big wank.
Stay tuned to SCW on Twitter for more info on future events, but if you’re hungry for more saucy silliness then please check out my podcast Fully Activated. Or not, don’t check it out if you don’t want to. I don’t care. Don’t check out the Fully Activated Podcast, on iTunes, Soundcloud, YouTube, acast, and all those places they have podcast. See if I care if you don’t… whatever.
Until next time, stay sexy!
Just your average week, you know.
Monday was Talking Tales, our highly anticipated storytelling night set up by myself and my writing group - Stokes Croft Writers. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and hope everyone else did too! We seemed to have about 50 people, a turn out we were very pleased with for our first event. Roll on the next one!
We had readings from some amazingly talented writers including L.E. Turner, AA Abbott, Angela Brooks, Ellen Waddell, Mark Rutterford, Kevlin Henney and Pete Sutton. Thank you so much to all of them for coming along, performing and supporting the night. Christie was a wonderful compère, and she started off the evening with one of her own brilliant stories.
Chris Fielden and I read my story, Zombies on a Boat, which you can read in the 'To Hull and Back' Anthology. It went down an absolute storm and was such a joy to read. Thanks to everyone for making it so much fun!
The podcast will be coming soon!
The next Talking Tales will be on Monday 15th June 2015. Follow us on Twitter at @SCWriting and 'Like' our Talking Tales Facebook page!
Show and Tell
Next up was Show and Tell at Cafe Kino on Wednesday (15th April). My first attempt at something a little more like stand up, it's it's fair to say I was cacking myself a fair bit beforehand. But, I did it (with the help of a few wines!).
I managed to navigate a microphone, a laptop and my scrappy noted bullet points, and delivered my true story of my childhood pet...a psychotic, sexist, yet hugely entertaining, giant fish nicknamed 'Mr Blobby.'
But that's a story for another time...
Finally, a rather sleepy Mel managed to still make it along to Novel Nights on Thursday (16th April), for wonderful stories and experiences from Nikesh Shukla.
He sent a lamb chop into space. No really, he did...
I've bought a copy of his book, Meatspace, and am looking forward to reading it soon.
But first, I really do have to get some writing done and stop gallivanting...
Oh but the gallivanting is always so much fun!