This does post contains explicit content, explicit language and triggering topics.
I recently joined Tinder, just to see what all the fuss was about really. I've read things about women getting shit for saying they're feminists in their bio so I had a plan of action for what I'd do if someone kicked off or sent me dick pics. Not long ago I started delving into the world of bad erotica - I write satirical feminist erotica which is purposely unsexy and gross in the hope that it's funny. I recently recorded a radio play and am going to be making a podcast (there's a blog about why I started doing that here).
So I decided that if a guy started sending inappropriate sexual comments, that I would 'out-gross' him ie say more disgusting things than him. I know, this is a weird way of dealing with it, but I thought it'd be fun instead of trying to call him out or explain in the usual way, which he probably wouldn't have listened to. Or maybe I just have a weird sense of humour. I'm not advocating this as a way of doing it. Two wrongs don't make a right.
I took some screenshots, and contemplated how/where to post them, and if I should at all. Although he said some disgusting things, I wasn't entirely sure naming and shaming him would be of any benefit to anyone. I asked The Guilty Feminist Facebook community* (thanks guys!), which opened up a really interesting dialogue about it, and then I decided to post it with this explanation. But, to 'protect' his identity, I have drawn glasses and a big nose on his pictures, which is definitely not meant to look one bit like a cock and balls with three pieces of jizz.
His bio said:
'I just want a woman who will do what I want, and I'm as racist as fuck.'
I honestly wondered if this was a joke, and I was intrigued, so I swiped right. Somehow, he had swiped right on me too and we were a match, despite me having the words 'feminist', 'sarcastic' and 'writer' in my bio. You could say both of us were kinda asking for it, but still...I was intrigued.
I asked him if he was joking in his bio or if he was actually racist...
Normally when someone is racist or sexist they don't say they are, they show they are. Something just didn't really add up so I continued. I didn't have anything better to do on a Sunday when I was hungover. I asked him if he was homophobic too. He said, no - that was fine. That surprised me...
And that was it, I decided I was going to take this fucker down...but I stayed patient and asked more questions, building up to it.
Ka ching! This guy was fully deserving of my gross sexual commentary. I asked him if he was meant to be out hunter gathering. He seemed a bit confused.
Then I asked him if he ever went down on girls, he said 'LMAO, no'. I said 'well, you're a catch, aren't you? Get many girls this way?' He said 'yup.'
I thought I'd start playing him at his own game so I said I'd suck his cock if he sent me a picture of his dick. He said 'Ha ha, no' (I was surprised he had some standards!) He started calling me a slut and a slag.
I said 'chuck me where?' His response is blocked out by my phones stupid tendency to bring up the volume when I want to do a screenshot - apologies for that, but he said:
'I'll chuck you and fuck you over the table whether you like it or not.'
Yes...shit on the carpet, I did say that. But I did warn you about the gross erotica. Anyway, it's okay because I told him I'd clean it up, being a woman with my womanly cleaning duties and all. Then I just went for it, but he'd worked out the game. That last bit is one of the most satisfying things I have typed in a while.
And that was it. I'm taking that as I WON and he is lying around at home crying to his man mates on Reddit about how a feminist was mean to him and we're all evil hairy dykes who eat men as mid-morning snacks.
So, to sum this up - I'm a bit sorry. Not to this fucker, but to anyone in my family or from work who has ended up reading this and has seen a surprising side of me through the innocence and smiles. To anyone who thinks that I've perpetuated one guy's view of all feminists being evil. But I hope that in some small way I've made him think about his actions. I bet a lot of girls challenge him for being such a dick, but maybe they haven't yet done it by playing him at his own game. I tried it, it was fun, but I'm aware that this is not the way to deal with these types of guys on an ongoing basis. This was just my way, just this once... but I'll admit it was satisfying as hell.
*Check out The Guilty Feminist Podcast - it's awesome!
And finally, in defence of Tinder, I think it's an awesome way to meet people and make new friends. I've spoken to lots of lovely people on there which far outweigh this douchebag!